


Playbook to My Heart

by Rebelguitargirl2015



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anya has a kid, Anya is an even smoller cinnamon roll, Both on and off the field, Clarke is so in love with Lexa, Engineer! Raven, F/F, G!p Lexa, Humor, Intersex! Lexa, Kinky sex, Lexa is a smol Cinnamon roll, Lexa scores a couple touch downs, NFL! Lexa, Past party girl! Griffin, Please bear with their attitudes, Quarterback Lexa (The 100), Rich! Lexa, She fixes Anya's attitude, Smut, Terrible puns-I'm sorry, They both fight for dominance, Top! Clarke, Top! Lexa, artist! clarke, both of them are SO whipped
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:20:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25750465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebelguitargirl2015/pseuds/Rebelguitargirl2015
Summary: They made a pact when they were in high school, getting ready to head off to college. If they weren’t married by the time they were thirty, they were going to marry each other. It was pathetic, they knew that, but it was the only thing that got them through college.It’s been years since they made the pact, and when Clarke stumbles upon the written pact as she’s about to turn 30, she’s determined to find one Miss. Lexa Woods.… She gets a bit more than she bargains for.
Relationships: Anya/Raven Reyes, Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 113
Kudos: 719





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here is yet another AU of mine. I don’t focus too much on the NFL. I will be making up NFL teams based on the 100 verse but I will be keeping a good portion of the teams in the actual NFL!
> 
> This fic is purely for entertainment. I’ve been going crazy from quarantine. It is very plot orientated but There will be A LOT of smut (I’ll put a warning on those chapters) and barely any angst, but there might be a smidge. Nothing too drastic as this is mostly entertainment and a love story. 
> 
> This story also features a good portion of Ranya, but this is definitely a clexa story. It should be about 30 chapters or so. 
> 
> Tell me your thoughts down below or on my tumblr: rebelguitargirl 
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

_Our parting was like a stalemate…_

_Neither of us won_

_Yet both of us lost_

_And worse still…_

_That unshakeable feeling that_

_Nothing was ever really finished_

-Ranata Sukuzi 

* * *

**I**

**_April 2008_ **

  
  


_Clarke Griffin’s eighteenth birthday was almost over. She was never one to make a big deal out of birthdays or holidays. It was just another day in her opinion. Her birthday this year fell on a Saturday, and she celebrated it by cheering for the football team at an away game. Her friends on the cheer squad took her to a diner afterwards and they ate so much food that Clarke thought she was going to burst._

_Clarke had been a cheerleader since she was a freshman. It gained her popularity and friends, but she always felt alone. She knew she was only popular because she was head cheerleader and the friends followed, but Clarke didn’t think she had any real friends._

_But she did have a girlfriend, who played on the varsity football team as a quarterback. People loved her girlfriend and Clarke couldn’t let it get to her because Lexa was an amazing football player._

_Clarke wished she could’ve spent the majority of the day with her. She would’ve thought that since she was cheering at the game that night that she would’ve. But her friends on the team had whisked her away so fast that she didn’t have time to see Lexa._

_Clarke had just gotten out of the shower after a long day. Her mother worked the majority of her Saturday, always busy because she was the head surgeon of her trauma team. Her mother did make her breakfast in the morning and left her a couple gifts, but she had been absent all day and by the look of it, Clarke knew she wasn’t going to see her for the rest of the night._

_Accepting the truth that although Clarke had friends and she was with them most of the day, she still felt alone. She crawled into bed that night, turning all her lights off before laying down._

_She was drifting in and out of sleep, when something banged against her window. Clarke sat up quickly, clutching the pillow to her chest. She heard another bang, before she saw a shadow and visibly relaxed._

_Lexa continued to make a bunch of noise as Clarke slid out of bed and opened the window._

_“You scared me!” Clarke said with a pout. Lexa’s hair was wild from climbing the tree outside of Clarke’s window. She landed on Clarke’s floor with a thud before standing up and shaking herself off._

_“It’s okay. You’re safe.” Lexa combed her hair out, getting the thorns and leaves. Clarke tried not to smile at the fact that her girlfriend could’ve used the front door, but decided to climb to her near--death instead._

_“You really think I was going to let you end this day alone?” Lexa asked softly once she got all the leaves out of her hair. She pulled Clarke in for a hug, kissing her gently on the lips. Clarke smiled, because this was the reason why she loved Lexa. She was always there when she needed her the most._

_“What do you have planned?” Clarke asked, knowing by the glint in Lexa’s eyes that she was up to something._

_“Skinny--dipping.” Lexa said with a huge grin, and Clarke laughed. She covered it up seconds later with a cough when Lexa didn’t join in._

_“You’re being serious?” Clarke tilted her head, watching in amusement as her girlfriend nodded._

_Clarke barely had time to process what was happening because Lexa grabbed her hand and they were out the door within seconds._

_Lexa’s BMW was parked by her mailbox as they got to the car. It was only a five minute drive to the lake and Lexa was smiling the whole time, while Clarke felt something swimming around in her stomach._

_She had never done this before, and she wasn’t opposed to it. She just didn’t want to get caught._

_Lexa clearly didn’t care about it as she practically jumped out of her car and headed toward the dock._

_“C’mon.” Lexa said softly to Clarke, who was still standing by the car, looking down at her pajamas. There was no one else around them, but that did nothing to stop the sinking feeling in her stomach._

_Lexa was already stripping off her clothes. She was down to her boxers, and Clarke could see the outline of her dick through it. That got Clarke moving._

_Clarke was tentatively taking her clothes off beside her girlfriend. She knew the water would be freezing and was already bracing herself. Lexa was waiting beside her with a patient smile, her boxers off and her member flaccid._

_Once Clarke removed the last of her clothing, Lexa grabbed a hold of her hand._

_“Are you ready?”_

_“No.”_

_Clarke could stand in front of thousands of students and faculty wearing what was barely passable as a uniform and dance. She felt pathetic that she couldn’t jump in a body of water, naked, with her girlfriend._

_But Lexa never pushed her. She waited until she was ready and Clarke was grateful for her girlfriend. She was amazing and they’d been dating ever since they had literally ran into each other during their freshman year. Clarke had turned around after closing her locker and collided into the football player and the rest was literally history. They’d been an item ever since._

_Lexa squeezed her hand, her smile never leaving her face. Clarke was nodding, trying to psych herself up, Lexa by her side the entire time._

_“Let’s jump together.” Lexa suggested after a moment, still sensing Clarke’s apprehension._

_“Really?” Clarke asked, and she was liking the idea the more she mulled it over._

_“Yes,” Lexa gave her a sweet smile. “Happy birthday baby.”_

_Lexa’s lips were on her before she could do anything. It was short and sweet and Lexa pulled away entirely too quickly for Clarke’s liking._

_“Nothing bad is going to happen. I promise. I got you.” Lexa said easily._

_“You got me?”_

_The way Lexa was looking at her truly made Clarke believe that nothing bad could happen. That Clarke was always safe with Lexa. Clarke couldn’t express how much she loved Lexa and melted at the look she was giving her._

_“Always.”_

  
  


* * *

**Present day: April 2020**

As Clarke Griffin looked around at the small, plain apartment, she was relieved that she had a place to call her own. She had waited years for this, and now at twenty–nine years old, she finally was sharing an apartment with her best friend. 

Clarke soaked in the silence, as she tried to figure out what should go where, where she should hang up her paintings and remembering that she needed to call the cable guy to set up their televisions. 

“There is absolutely no reason to help me at all,” Kyle Wick grunted around a stack of heavy boxes. “I’m just losing out on a day’s pay of work, to help my girlfriend and her inseparable best friend move.”

Clarke Griffin rolled her eyes at, (what she thought), was the most pathetic man–child she had ever had the pleasure of meeting. Her moment of silence was completely ruined. 

But she guessed she saw his point, because all she was carrying was a small lamp as she day–dreamed about her apartment, but honestly he should be proud that she was helping at all. 

Her best friend, Raven Reyes, was downstairs, probably carrying what little she could with her busted leg. Clarke knew she was probably trying to hurry up the stairs. She never liked leaving Clarke alone with her boyfriend for too long. 

“Raven, control your boyfriend. He’s complaining again.” Clarke said with an eye roll, once she spotted her best friend in the entryway. Raven gave her a warning look, and she huffed before walking passed Kyle. 

The apartment wasn’t too bad, Clarke supposed. It was all she could get on such a short notice. There was enough room where her and Raven wouldn’t be living on top of each other, but Clarke hated the creaky floors and their out–of–date kitchen. 

“We are almost done,” Raven said with her hands on her hips, glaring at the both of them. “And then we are never moving again, because I cannot stand listening to you two argue all damn day.”

Raven was sweating. Her blank tank top was darker around her chest area, and she was huffing out short breaths. (Clarke was terrible at moving things and even with a busted leg, Raven was doing much better than her). 

“Well hopefully, the next time you move, it’ll be in with me.” Kyle piped up, before walking over to his girlfriend. 

“You were just saving that line, weren’t you?” Clarke said with a teasing smile. Kyle squinted his eyes at her. 

Before Kyle could say anything, Raven clamped a hand over his mouth, and ushered him to the door. 

“Not another word. I don’t want to hear you two–” Raven stopped talking, her voice rising a couple octaves. “Did you just lick my hand?!”

Clarke chuckled at them, before she picked up a couple (light) boxes and headed to her room that was down the hall. Raven’s room was on the other side of the apartment, and at least they had really nice floor–to–ceiling windows. It had always been a dream of Clarke’s. 

Clarke thought she would be living with a significant other by now. She was twenty–nine years old, almost thirty, and just now moving out of her mother’s house to live with her best friend. 

It wasn’t ideal, she knew that, but she didn’t want to leave her mother alone, no matter how many times she had said she could go. Her father’s memories were everywhere in that house, and Clarke just couldn’t leave her mother to deal with it by herself. 

So, she stayed. 

She took care of her mother, because she knew she needed it. Abby had taken care of Clarke her whole life, the least she could do was pay that back. 

But she finally had enough money to move out, and decided that this was the next best step for her. 

Clarke was thrilled about moving out, and into her own place, but she hated exerting energy. If she could’ve, she would’ve sat on their old, busted up couch and eaten all the cheetos during this whole moving process, but Raven threatened to flush her painting down the toilet, and Clarke quickly sprang into action. 

For the most part, they were almost all the way settled in, minus a stack of boxes near the door. 

Because Clarke had done such a great job (she patted herself on the back later that night), Raven ordered them a stack of pizzas. 

“I’m happy we are almost done,” Raven said. They had been quiet for the majority of dinner, soaking in the fact that they lived together now. “I can’t wait for Octavia to come by and see it.”

“When does she get in?”

“Maybe in the morning. I’m not quite sure. I still can’t believe she got married.”

“Could you? Octavia and Lincoln were like made for each other.” Clarke said, almost bitterly. Raven peeled some of the cheese off her pizza, before poking her with her toes. 

“Are you alright?” Raven asked quietly. 

“I’m fine,” Clarke smiled forcefully. “Although, family dinners are going to be very awkward.”

“Just because Bellamy didn’t work, doesn’t mean there isn’t someone out there for you.”

“I’m twenty-nine. I’m starting to lose hope. Kyle is a douchebag, but he makes you happy. I miss that feeling. All Bellamy and I did was argue.”

Bellamy Blake was Octavia’s brother. Clarke and him dated for a couple months, before they both realized that just because they were physically attracted to each other, didn’t mean that they were mentally compatible. What was supposed to be a civil conversation, always ended in a disastrous argument, and Clarke was tired of it. So, she ended it between them.

“There’s someone out there for you. I just know it.”

Clarke just grunted in disbelief, and they finished dinner quietly. 

* * *

“I’m gonna go take a trip, you in?” Raven poked her head through her door. She had put her bed together, and was organizing her drawers. 

Clarke looked up to see that Raven had changed her clothes, and her hair was damp. She was holding a bag in her hand, with a lighter.

Clarke met Raven during her senior year of college. She had never seen the engineer student before, but she was glad she had met her. She was exactly what she needed while she was mourning the death of her father. 

Raven was a highly intelligent and free spirited individual. Clarke could tell from the moment she met her, that something was wrong. Raven limped around most of the time, hardly ever using the crutches she told her about.

Raven had gotten into an accident during high school. A drunk driver had swerved into her lane and she had no other choice but to jerk her wheel to get away from him, only to have her crash into a tree. 

The story was quite sad, but Raven had a fond smile on her face while she was telling Clarke one day, and showed her all her scars.

The car accident had messed up Raven’s back and leg, but through years of psychical therapy and her excessive marijuana use, she seemed to be doing better.

Raven hated when people fussed over her, and when Clarke found out why she limped everywhere she went, she had been protective. Raven told her that there was nothing to worry about. It was something that she was going to have to learn to live with. No matter how many times the doctors did surgery on her leg, she would never walk the same.

Clarke would’ve commented about how much Raven smoked, if it wasn’t for the fact that whenever Raven was high, she seemed to experience minimal pain and her mood improved.

Clarke didn’t smoke a lot. Only on occasion and she wasn’t really up for it tonight. She just wanted to wash this day away with a steaming hot shower.

“You’re going to have to go solo tonight.” Clarke said as she walked over to her. She didn’t want to ask, and Raven didn’t look like she wanted her to ask, but she did it anyways. “Is your back irritating you?”

“When isn’t it?” Raven grimaced. “Seriously puts a downer on my sex life.”

Raven loved to joke about her accident. It was the way she dealt with it, even after all these years. While it made Clarke uncomfortable at first, (because she could've _died_ or something and then Clarke would have no one to wake her up in the morning for homemade cinnamon waffles), Raven seemed to crack a joke left and right and told Clarke that she didn’t need anyone to worry. 

Clarke worried, even when Raven said she shouldn’t. She didn’t want her to push herself too hard, just to prove a point. 

“I’m sorry, Raven. I should’ve--”

“Clarke…” Raven always had that look in her eye whenever Clarke felt sympathy toward her. Her eyebrows scrunched together, and the frown on her face deepened. “You and Kyle are the only two people on this planet that don’t make this awkward. Octavia fusses over me all the time and so do my co--workers. I am fine.”  
  


Raven looked pointedly at Clarke, who sighed and nodded. Caring about Raven was difficult, because the Latina was _so_ stubborn. 

But Clarke did. 

She cared a lot, but she swallowed down her feelings. 

“Just go smoke, and try not to light anything else on fire.” Clarke narrowed her eyes at Raven, who smiled sheepishly in response. 

“It was an honest accident.” Raven smiled innocently at her, remembering the time she lit Clarke’s converse on fire at the end of her senior year. 

Clarke just shook her head as Raven exited her room. She waited until Raven was done with her special activities to shower. There were a couple more boxes around her room she wanted to sort through before she got into bed and hurried through her nighttime routine.

When Clarke was settled in for the night, she took a deep breath before walking over to the box that was labelled _DAD._ She didn’t think she could go through the box tonight. She just wanted the navy blue sweatshirt with her father’s college logo on it. It was comfortable and still smelled a lot like him, despite the fact that she wore it almost every night. Before she could pull the sweatshirt over her head, something white caught her eye. 

The box was filled with things that her dad had given her over the years. From letters, to necklaces to her great, great grandmother’s diamond wedding ring. She was going to store the box in the back of her closet, but she bent down when she saw a piece of paper folded up underneath a pile of necklaces. She didn’t remember putting the worn piece of paper in the box when she was packing up her stuff out of her mother’s house and went to retrieve it. 

The paper was stained brown, but the words were clear. Clarke frowned down at it, before unfolding the paper. Her heart sunk in her chest when she realized what she was looking at. 

Clarke’s handwriting had always been terrible, that was why she had begged her to write for them. She looked down at the neat, bubbly handwriting that was dated back twelve years ago. It took Clarke a moment to realize what this piece of paper was, and her eyes widened when she remembered. 

She looked down at their signatures. _Her_ signature, and her heart sank. She didn’t take any of her stuff with her when she moved out. All the things she had gotten her were safe at her mother’s house. She didn’t think she would need any of them at the new apartment, and she was still trying to figure out how this piece of paper ended up in the bottom of this box. 

Clarke ran her hands over her name, her cursive readable and her heart was pounding. She couldn’t believe she had forgotten about this, mostly because it was a joke, but a part of her always wondered in the back of her mind if she was serious. 

Clarke held her breath as she finally read the words. 

_It’s the day before I leave for college. I decided to go across the country, because I got a football scholarship. Clarke’s going to stay here and look after her mother, and as I’m writing this, I just want her to know how beautiful she is. Even with a piece of broccoli stuck in between her teeth (I’ll tell her after I finish writing this because it’s just too funny everytime she smiles at me)._

_On a more serious note, I don’t know what’s going to happen once I leave. I don’t know the people we will become because our lives will truly just be starting. But I do know something at this moment, and it’s that I’m in love with Clarke. It’s a warm fuzzy feeling in the bottom of my stomach and makes my heart beat fast._

_I don’t know when I’m going to see her again. This isn’t a goodbye letter. It’s a, “I’ll see you later”._

_Because we will see each other again, and I hope that we are both in the places we want to be in life. This decision doesn’t come to me lightly, and I’m doing this to become a better person and a professional football player._

_But I’ll be back._

_I always am._

_And if I’m not, we both agree that if we are thirty and alone and single, we are going to marry each other._

_Honestly though, if you ask me, I would marry her now… but her mother might kill me if I do._

_So I’ll just keep this promise. No matter how silly it is. I love Clarke, and I’m not ready to leave, but it’s something that has to be done._

_I hope I see you soon, Clarke._

_And if not, hopefully when I’m thirty!_

**_Clarke Griffin. Alexandria Woods._ **

Clarke wasn’t sure if she was crying or laughing by the end of the letter, because the memory hit her like a ton of bricks. She hadn’t seen much of Lexa after that day once she left for college. They spent their breaks apart and eventually they grew apart. Clarke didn’t want to hold Lexa back as her football career blossomed. 

They dated all through high school. Clarke was the head cheerleader and Lexa was the quarterback of the football team. It was such a clichè that they dated, but they did and Clarke loved Lexa. 

But then Lexa moved away, and Clarke’s dad died and everything that Clarke thought she knew about the world came to the halt, the second her father stopped breathing. 

Clarke clutched the letter tighter in her hands. She was going to be thirty by the end of this month. Still a somewhat frightening thought as she stared down at the words.

_And if I’m not, we both agree that if we are thirty and alone and single, we are going to marry each other._

She knew Lexa was the same age as her, but she also knew that there was no way that Lexa remembered anything about writing this letter, because Clarke had forgotten all about it until this very moment.

So there was no way that she was going to even think about it. Because she knew what Lexa was doing, it was kind of hard not to when she was all over the sports channel. Sometimes Clarke would watch, other times she would immediately change the channel. 

Clarke didn’t talk about Lexa as much as she did when she was in college. She was so naivè to think that they would last throughout college in different states.

So, Clarke tossed the letter in the bottom of her bedside table and finally went to bed. 

The words of the letter playing on repeat in her mind like a playlist. 

* * *

Clarke woke to the smell of waffles. She yawned and stretched, her mouth dry. She went to go brush her teeth and decided to keep the same clothes she had on the night before as she stared down at her bedside table. 

“Not hiding drugs in there, I suppose.” The voice was cocky and she could picture the smile on her face as she turned around. 

“Octavia!” Clarke gushed as she rushed over to her and pulled her in for a hug. Octavia wrapped her hands around her tightly.

“I told Raven I could make breakfast and she kicked me out of the kitchen.” Octavia explained as she pulled away. “What’s in the drawer?”

“Nothing.” Clarke said quickly, a smile on her face. 

“Hm-mm.” Octavia hummed like she didn’t believe her.

“How was your honeymoon?” Clarke asked to try and change the subject. She loved how Octavia lit up like a Christmas tree. 

“It was amazing. I know we could’ve gone anywhere but Hawaii was so beautiful,” Octavia was smiling, but it quickly fell off her face. “Well, it was beautiful whenever Bellamy wasn’t texting or calling me in distress.”

Clarke would’ve apologized, but she was just sick of it. She knew Octavia wasn’t saying this to make her feel bad, and blew out a breath.

“Still?” Clarke grimaced. “It’s been months!”

“Yes, but,” Octavia cleared her throat dramatically and lowered her voice. “I just love her so much! She’s the love of my--”

Clarke walked over and clamped a hand over her mouth. 

“Don’t you dare finish that.” Clarke warned darkly, but there was a playful smile on her face, but still Octavia didn’t take the bait. 

They both left her room, walking down the small hallway in content silence. 

“This place is amazing.” Octavia commented as she walked through the apartment. Clarke smiled thinly because it wasn’t much, but at least it was hers. 

“Thank you.” Clarke smirked as they entered the kitchen. They both sat down at the mini bar and watched Raven work her way around the kitchen, limping the entire time. 

Clarke could see the way Octavia seemed ready to get up and move should Raven ask for it. Octavia was sitting on the edge of her seat when she spoke up. 

“So, Raven,” Octavia cut her eyes to Clarke, before smiling brightly. “What other drugs does Monty sell?”

Raven dropped the bowl in her hand, it banging loudly against the counter as she whipped around. 

“Octavia!” Raven didn’t like to talk about how she got her hands on the marijuana and who she gets it from, so the fact that Octavia was openly bringing it up, made her irritated. 

“Well, Clarke’s hiding something in her drawer and I want to know what you talked her into getting while I was away.” Octavia stated casually, and Clarke was at a loss for words. 

Raven looked just as surprised as Clarke did, before her face broke out into a huge grin. 

“I don’t know what she’s hiding!” Raven put her hands in defense. “It could be anything.”

“It’s not drugs!” Clarke rolled her eyes. Octavia frowned in confusion, and she knew she wasn’t going to let this go. She didn’t want to talk about it, because it was the only thing she could think about since she stumbled across the letter last night. She was talking about this so Octavia knew there was nothing to worry about. Well, at least not yet.

“It’s just a letter of sorts,” Clarke explained awkwardly, still wondering how she had forgotten all about it. “An agreement, if you will.”

“An agreement?” Raven asked, as she went back to making more waffles. 

“Like about your father or something?” Octavia asked softly, suddenly looking guilty because she didn’t think it was this serious.

“No, no,” Clarke shook her head. She didn’t want to say it out loud, but under the heavy gazes of her two best friends, it was hard not to. They knew about Lexa. How they had dated in high school, but that was all Clarke had told them about her. “It was about Lexa.”

“Lexa? As in the football player?” Octavia was smiling like she knew something, and Clarke wanted to wipe that look off her face. 

“Yes,” Clarke hissed out. “It was stupid and silly.”

“I’m dying over here, Griffin. Tell us!” Raven said over her shoulder and Clarke grumbled because the girl could be so dramatic sometimes. 

“It was just about us turning thirty.”

“You’re almost thirty.” Octavia muttered under her breath, turning to face Clarke with glee. “What is it?”

Clarke sighed heavily, because while she loved her best friends, they were so intrusive. 

“It was like a pact that if we weren’t married by the time we are thirty, that we would marry each other. There, I said it. Now, let me wallow in self--pity and waffles.”

“Now who’s the dramatic one?” Raven pointed her spatula accusingly at Clarke. 

“Well…” Octavia trailed off as Raven brought the food over. “Are you going to do something about it? Or just stare at it longingly?”

Clarke didn’t know. She didn’t know what she should do. She was sure Lexa had forgotten all about her, so there was no point in trying. Right?

“I’m going to do nothing about it.” Clarke said determinedly. “Now pass the syrup.”

Her friends were smart not to bring it up again, not right away anyways. It got to the point that it was all they would talk about, and it wasn’t even football season, but Clarke would come out of her room to find old games of Lexa’s team playing with Raven snickering somewhere in the background. Clarke would groan and turn it off. 

But somewhere in the back of her mind, she kept wondering. Wondering if it would be such a bad thing to track her down. She knew she played for her home team, but Clarke was sure she couldn’t just… she couldn’t just pop up and expect Lexa to welcome her with open arms.

Their drifting away had been a mutual decision. They were growing into two entirely different people, and tracking Lexa down had to be the stupidest thing she had thought of in a while. 

So, she wasn’t sure how to explain how she got here. (Actually it wasn’t that hard finding out where the famous football player lived) but Clarke didn’t know how to explain her standing in front of the building, looking up at it like it held all the answers to her problems. Clarke was sure that this would only create more problems in her life, but she was tired of staring at the letter. She was tired of thinking about her, so maybe if she just showed her what she had written all those years ago, perhaps Lexa would remember what they had. 

And if this didn’t work… Clarke wasn’t dating for a long while. 

Clarke wasn’t quite sure how she got up to her floor. Her feet seemed to have a mind of its own. She wasn’t sure how she got to her room either. She couldn’t help but think how stupid this was, but all she needed to do was drop the box with the letter off and she could run away.

She wasn’t sure what she wanted out of this, but she didn’t waste anymore time. She knocked on the door before she could back out. 

It took some time for someone to answer, and when Clarke realized it wasn’t Lexa, she cleared her throat. 

“Is Lexa Woods here?” Clarke held the box tightly in her hands as she looked into the eyes of someone who wasn’t Lexa. She hoped she didn’t have the wrong place, and told herself it was the last time she trusted some fans on the internet. 

The woman behind the door, didn’t bother to open it all the way. She was a short, dark–skinned woman in a dark uniform. She trained her eyes on the box in Clarke’s hand, and Clarke shifted nervously. 

“Who’s asking?” Her tone was harsh, and Clarke’s confidence was dwindling. “Are you some sort of reporter? Because Lexa has no comment about what happened last night.”

Clarke scrunched her eyebrows together, because she had no idea what this woman was talking about… and.. What had happened last night?

Clarke shook her head. 

“Could you please just tell me where Lexa is? I’m an old friend.” Clarke tried to keep her voice light, although this woman was starting to irritate her. 

“If I had a dime for every time I heard that line, I would be swimming in money the way Lexa is. No, I’m not telling you nothing. Now, get lost.” The woman tried to close the door, but Clarke held her foot out. Her hands trembled where they were holding the box, when the woman glared at her. 

“Could… Could… you at least just give her this?” Clarke asked desperately. “She’ll know what it is when she opens it.”

“Oh, yeah?” The shorter woman grunted. “What is it, a bomb?”

“What?! No.”

“Indra, who is at the door?” Clarke heard a voice say, but she was sure it wasn’t Lexa’s. 

“Some fangirl here for Lexa.” Indra smirked at the blonde. “I told her she’s not available.”

The woman that Indra was talking to finally came into view. Clarke saw the dark uniform she was in, resembling the one of Indra’s, and swallowed roughly. 

“I was just trying to give something to Lexa. She’s an old friend of mine. If you just tell her that–”

“Let’s see the box.”

“Please, don’t open it.” Clarke would probably scold herself for begging later, but she didn’t care at this point. She realized that both women were dressed similarly. Whoever they were, Clarke was guessing it was Lexa’s security. Lexa has security?

The taller woman’s hands hovered over the opening of the box, and sighed loudly. 

“Fine, we will give Lexa your little present. But you need to leave now.” There was no room for negotiating, and Clarke knew this. So, she sucked her lips into her mouth, and walked down the hall. 

Her heart was beating hard for what felt like the first time in years. 

(Clarke found that it wasn’t a totally unwelcoming feeling).

* * *

“What is with all the commotion?” Lexa asked, her robe tied tightly around her abdomen. “A girl needs her beauty sleep.”

“Of course, Commander.” Indra teased. 

“We were just taking care of like the sixth fan girl of this morning.” Anya said casually, inspecting the box in her hands from all angles, but never peering inside. “She dropped off this box.”

“Was she hot?” Lexa asked with a little smirk, pouring herself a glass of orange juice. 

Anya chose not to answer the question, and slid the box over to Lexa.

“She said you would know what’s inside when you open it. Said she was an old friend.”

Lexa frowned heavily at the box, but she didn’t touch it.

“How do I know it’s not a bomb?” Lexa asked softly.

“That’s what I asked. The blonde was really offended when I said that, Commander.” Indra was fixing Lexa a plate of breakfast, presenting it with a napkin folded like a football. 

“I can throw it out, if you want.” Anya spoke up, going into her security mode, but Lexa held a hand up.

“Leave it.” Lexa said defiantly. “I’ll take a look after my bath.” 

Lexa eyed the box all through breakfast, as Anya listed the countless number of things (and appearances) she needed to do today. 

Lexa had gotten a lot of… _interesting…_ fan mail over the years. One included a clay sculpture of her jock strap. While Lexa should’ve been mortified by that, she was oddly touched. Another included an exact replica of her teeth, made out of corn. Her fans could be intrusive sometimes, but at least they were creative. 

Anya was still speaking by time Lexa had finished her omelet, informing how she had back to back interviews today. Lexa groaned because she really didn’t want to do anything today. Maybe just lounge around, call up that cute girl from the party last night… before things had gone south. 

Lexa picked up the box slowly. Anya had finally finished telling her, her very eventful agenda for the day. 

While Lexa was interested in what was in the box, she simply had no time to discover what was inside.

Like all the rest of Lexa’s mail, it got thrown into a box in the corner of her room. And as much as Lexa wanted to, she didn’t look back as she headed toward the bathroom, bracing herself for her busy day. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back at college (online, of course). The amount of assignments I already have will probably make you cry, but anyways. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I hope to upload chapters for my other stories in due time. So, please be on the look out for them!
> 
> This chapter is basically setting up the plot for this story. Things start rolling ahead after this chapter. So not a whole lot happens, but it is essential for future chapters.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Tumblr: rebelguitargirl

* * *

**  
II**

“May I remind you,” Harper McIntyre huffed as she walked through Lexa’s door, unfazed that she was only in her boxers and a sports bra. She was a short, dirty blonde who tended to always wear her hair in a ponytail. “I run a daycare center, but it is not _overnight_. You cannot keep forgetting to pick Aden up. It’s not going to look good on your end.” 

Harper didn’t seem very annoyed. She actually looked like she was getting used to it, but still, Lexa looked at Indra, who looked at Anya, who held her hands up in surrender.

“I forgot about the turd.” Anya muttered seriously. “Where is he?” 

Harper moved out of the way, and revealed the bright brown–eyed six year old boy.

“Totally my fault,” Anya continued, although she was lacking any real sympathy. “But it won’t happen again.” 

She smiled brightly down at the little boy, who stared at her blankly, before walking over to Lexa and poking her in the abs.

“Your manager is mean.” His squeaky voice said. 

“Tell me about it.” Lexa smirked to Anya, who rolled her eyes.

“Thank you, Harper. Here’s a tip. Now get lost.” Anya had said that line so many times, it just slips out now. 

Harper looked at the money, raising her eyebrows. It was far more than what Lexa normally paid for Aden’s after school care, but she snatched it up anyways.

“Gold digger.” Anya muttered under her breath.

“What’s a gold digger?” Aden asked, looking up at Lexa for an explanation, but luckily, Anya spoke over him. 

“We don’t have time for explanations, Aden. Why don’t you go change your clothes because we need to hit the road…” Anya checked her watch. “About five minutes ago. Let’s move!” 

Aden knew the drill and was changed within a matter of seconds. Lexa disappeared and was back within minutes with dark jeans and a plain white shirt. She grabbed her burgundy designer bomber jacket, hanging on the back of one of the bar stools before clicking her watch into place.

“Stay close to me Aden.” Lexa advised as she threw her black baseball cap on. “The fans tend to be rowdy in the morning.” 

Lexa waited until Anya and Indra opened the door before they all filed out into the hallway. Anya was walking protectively in front of the Woods siblings, while Indra was behind them. 

As they all climbed on to the elevator, Lexa laid a protective hand on her brother’s shoulder because she knew once they got outside of their building, things were going to get hectic. 

“Stay close.” Anya ordered as the doors to the elevator opened. Lexa could see the black Escalade waiting outside for them, but she also could see the crowd of fans surrounding the building’s entrance.

“Indra.” Anya called out, never looking behind her, but knowing she had heard her.

“On it.” Indra said once they were outside and the crowd of screaming fans tried to get to Lexa. 

Lexa clutched Aden even closer to her, as fans screamed in her ear and pushed pads or posters of herself in her face. Anya was doing an excellent job of guiding them to the truck. No one had touched Lexa, but that didn’t mean that her fans weren’t trying. Indra was having zero parts of it and her patience was running thin as fans clawed at her to try to get to Lexa.

“Almost there, buddy.” Lexa frowned down at Aden. Aden didn’t look like he minded the girls screaming after his sister, but Lexa didn’t like that he was being put in harm's way and all they were doing was getting into a truck. 

Anya yanked the door open, side arming a couple of fans. She practically pushed Lexa into the truck before she picked Aden up and placed him next to her. Anya slammed the door shut, shared a look with Indra before they both attempted to get in the truck as well.

“That was crazy!” Aden exclaimed, his eyes wide. “Did you see them?” 

Lexa nodded enthusiastically. It was something that she was used to. She had been playing for The Grounders, a team in the NFL, for over six years. She had joined the team right around the time Aden was born. 

“Let’s see if we can try to get rid of this crowd.” Anya put her sunglasses on as their Driver, Luis, started the truck. He nodded silently, knowing the drill and safely pulled away from the crowd. 

Lexa sat back and thought about how much she wanted to go back to sleep. She would’ve gotten a couple more minutes of sleep, had it not been for the commotion that happened this morning. Lexa loved her job. She loved being a professional football player. It was the entire reason why she had gone off to college, but moments like this, made her wish that she wasn’t famous. That she was a nobody. People recognized her everywhere. There was never any point in hiding, people could spot her from miles away. 

But there was another part that loved it. She loved the fame. She loved the fans, especially the ladies. She loved getting into things for free. She loved the way women seemed to throw themselves at her, and more importantly, she loved being a quarterback for The Grounders. 

Lexa didn’t think her life was going to turn out this way, but she really couldn’t complain. 

Especially when she ran into the cute receptionist when they got to their destination. The blonde behind the desk flashed her a flirty smile, to which Lexa returned, before Indra glared at her. As Anya finished signing them in, Lexa huffed quietly and waggled her fingers to the cute blonde before they all headed for the elevator. 

“Hope this interview doesn’t take long.” Lexa said as she stuffed a crab cake in her mouth. “That blonde back there was totally checking me out.” 

Indra gave her a tolerant smile, before she sighed. “Well as long as you remember–”

“Yes I know,” Lexa said, her lips in a thin line. “Love is weakness.”

Both of them shared a look, thinking of all the reasons why the statement was true, before they both brightened up. As if it never happened. 

“I’ve taught you well.” Indra said in a low voice. “Now, you’re on.” 

Indra pushed Lexa’s lower back lightly, prompting her in the direction of the interviewer. 

By the time Lexa was done with the interview, she was exhausted. The interviewer seemed to drone on and on about the upcoming football season and what she was doing to prepare for it. But Lexa didn’t let her grouchiness show. If anything, she wore a bright smile, laughed along to the lame jokes and terrible attempts of the interviewer flirting with her. 

Lexa stepped off the stage, covering up her yawn. She didn’t get a good night's sleep last night and entertaining the hot blonde from downstairs didn’t sound as appealing as it did when Lexa first walked into the building. She wanted to grab Aden and go back to their penthouse. Maybe have Gustus whip them up a meal. 

Lexa knew none of that was going to happen, especially when she saw Anya walking over to her, phone to her ear.

“We need to get down to the studio.” Anya whispered to her, motioning for Aden, who was sitting on one of the bean bags eating a cupcake, to come over to them. “Marc Ecko wants you to shoot their commercial.”

Lexa almost rolled her eyes. She didn’t want to do this. She really wanted to go home but she sighed and nodded.

“They will pay you double what they paid last time.” Anya said, ending the call on her phone, but now she was determinedly typing on it. Lexa looked down to Aden, who was licking icing off his fingers and sighed. 

“Fine. I’m only going because they gave Aden a gift basket last time for being good.”

“Works for me, Commander.” Anya said in an authoritative tone. 

Lexa waited for Anya and Indra to give the okay to leave. She put a hand on Aden’s shoulder, she could already hear the screaming fans outside. She wanted to know how people knew she was here, but it was Los Angeles. People had a sixth sense when a celebrity was around. 

Lexa felt safe with her security detail around. They were two badass women, and she thought about expanding her team, but Anya and Indra could handle anything that was thrown at them. (Quite literally, in fact). 

But still Lexa braced herself for the growing crowd outside the building, thinking that although this day had just started, she wished it would be over already. 

* * *

“Hey, sweets.” Clarke had just gotten back from the lake. She took a bunch of photographs, capturing nature from birds to geese in the pond. Her mother called her as soon as she walked through the door, and Clarke put her photographer equipment down before she answered the phone. 

“I just wanted to know what the plan was for your birthday in a couple weeks. I can’t believe my baby is going to be thirty.” Clarke could hear the indistinct chatter of people in the background, and she knew that her mother was still at work. 

“Mom, you know I don’t want anything major.”

“You’re going to be thirty. You must want to do something.” 

Clarke didn’t know what it was, but she wasn’t a huge fan of birthdays. Ever since she was little. She didn’t like making a big fuss of getting older, especially since she was going to be thirty. There was nothing she could think of that she really wanted to do. She didn’t like going out to a club or bar. She hated the way men would practically throw themselves at her, and offer countless drinks so she could be drunk. Her partygirl days were definitely behind her.

Clarke wasn’t sure what she was going to get up to on her birthday, and before the footballer with dazzling green eyes she had spent countless evenings staring into when she was younger, could enter her mind, she spoke again. 

“I think I just want to have a relaxed day, mom. After all, I _am_ getting old.” Clarke joked as she walked over to the couch and sat down on it. She loved the relationship she had with her mother. Loved how they could stay on the phone for hours. Her mother was on the best surgeons in Los Angeles and that took up a lot of her time. Clarke cherished moments like these. 

“I have to work on your birthday, _but_ I will be over to cook breakfast and give you your present.” Abby said, the noises in the background growing louder. Clarke imagined her outside, walking down a crowded sidewalk. 

“I don’t need a present, mom. I’ll be fine.” Clarke assured her. 

“You are my only daughter, so I’m going to spoil you until the day I die. I got you a present.” Abby said and Clarke could picture her smile. She wished she was there to capture it. In a picture and in person. Her mother’s smiles were always so beautiful, so pure. Something she always looked forward to. There were days where she wouldn’t smile at all, but she’s been smiling more lately and Clarke suddenly wished she was there to see it. 

“Okay, mom. You can--” Clarke’s sentence got cut off, when the front door to her apartment came flying open. 

She was getting ready to greet Raven and tell her that her mother was on the phone, but then she saw the look on her face. There was only one other time her fiery best friend had that look on her face, and it was when Recceba Reed had drunkenly kissed her boyfriend back in college. 

Clarke quickly rushed her mother off the phone. She embarrassingly gave her a kiss through the phone before ending the call. She locked her phone and got up off the couch. 

“Raven?” Clarke stalked after Raven carefully. She had made the mistake of going after Raven after the whole Rebecca incident and was treading cautiously toward her best friend. 

Clarke didn’t think she could’ve seen Raven so angry after what happened with Rebecca, but this moment was quickly replacing that one. Raven had angry tears running down her cheeks, her face bright red. One time, after her and Raven had gotten into an argument, Raven held her breath until she was literally purple. Until Clarke apologized. Clarke was terrified to enter her room. She wasn’t sure what she was walking into. There were so many things that could be wrong, but with her best friend so upset, she was taking her chances. 

“Rae?” Clarke asked quietly. 

“I can’t believe him!” Raven said viciously. Clarke didn’t want to admit that she was slightly scared. She was the only one here. The only one here to witness whatever hell Raven was about to unleash. 

“What happened?” Clarke asked stupidly as she finally entered the room and slowly sat down on the bed. 

“I _can’t_ believe him!” Raven repeated her words, tears falling down her face. Clarke took her chance and crawled up the bed. She tried to wipe her tears away, but Raven smacked her hand away. 

“I can’t help it that I’m like this. I asked him. I _asked_ him if he was okay with it, and he lied to me and said yes.” Clarke reached out for Raven again, still unsuccessfully trying to wipe the tears away. She was having a hard time understanding what was going on. It was hard for her to hear Raven through her sobs.

“Sweetie….” Clarke sighed as she smoothed down the Latina’s hair. It was quiet, the only sounds were of Raven whimpering and it was breaking Clarke’s heart to see her usually strong and fierce best friend like this. 

“He’s cheating on me.” Raven whispered out, glaring a hole at the wall. Clarke’s heart dropped, because just the other day, they seemed happy. He was helping them move in and he was all over her best friend. 

Clarke didn’t know what to say because she herself wasn’t good at relationships. She was terrible at them, and all she could do was hold Raven close to her as she cried against her. She hadn’t seen Raven so upset. Her best friend loved to make the most of her life, and to see her so down, was hurting Clarke’s heart. 

Clarke wanted to assure Raven that it was going to be okay. That she was going to find someone who would appreciate her and love her the way she wanted, but she also knew Raven wasn’t going to listen. She was too stubborn. So Clarke didn’t say anything and waited Raven out. 

“I thought we were good. He has his flaws, but he was decent and now… now… now I don’t know if… I’ll ever find someone who will accept me for me. I’m crippled, Clarke. Broken. My body isn’t the same and no matter what, it’ll never be the same. I won’t find someone who will understand that.” It was crushing Clarke’s heart, but she stayed quiet. Now wasn’t her time to speak. Raven clearly needed to speak her mind. 

“No one is ever going to want to be in a relationship with me. I’m damaged goods.” Raven cracked a smile, and Clarke offered her a small one. 

“You know that’s not true. There’s someone out there for you. You just have to have a little faith.” Clarke tried to sound cheerful. Tried to put a smile on Raven’s face, but it only earned her a frown.

“That’s easy for you to say,” Raven was getting worked up again. “I didn’t make a pact with my hotass highschool sweetheart to get married if I can’t find anyone else.”

Clarke didn’t want to think about the stupid pact. She didn’t want to think about Lexa, because whenever she did, all she thought about were her security team. She wasn’t getting to Lexa anytime soon. 

“Trust me. Maybe you are better off.”

“I won’t find someone else, Clarke. I just know it.” Raven spoke with determination. Clarke could’ve argued, but she would just be wasting her breath. 

Clarke didn’t like Kyle and certainly hated him now that he broke her best friend’s heart. Clarke didn’t know what to do because Raven had never let anything get to her like this. 

Clarke had been cheated on during her sophomore year of college, when her friend, Finn, dated her and another girl at the same time.

They were barely official, and Clarke was glad that she hadn’t entered a relationship with him. He was sweet, but he tried too hard to impress her. Clarke liked him, but she knew he wasn’t the one. So when she found out he was seeing another girl, Clarke quickly dumped him. 

Clarke knew by the look on Raven’s face that she was devastated. She was starting to get the impression that it wasn’t so much of what happened with Kyle that was bothering Raven. It was the idea that she wasn’t going to find someone who was going to treat her with the same respect that Kyle did, (before he cheated, that is).

Clarke had been around when Raven had boyfriends. They either smothered her or didn’t care. Kyle always seemed to treat Raven the way she wanted to be treated. She could do things by herself. She didn’t need someone to watch her every move. Some of her boyfriends in the past had made rude comments about her leg or just didn’t have the patience to deal with a moody Raven when her back was hurting.

Raven was afraid that no one would be able to understand her the way Kyle had.

Clarke understood that, but she knew there was someone way better out there for her than Kyle Wick. And if she ever saw Kyle again, she wasn't even going to bother talking. She would let her fist initiate the conversation. 

Clarke could’ve reassured Raven that Kyle was a douchebag to let her go. She could’ve said so many things, but she knew her friend would be too upset to actually listen to her.

This was one of the moments where they didn’t need to communicate. Clarke just held Raven close to her as her friend clung to her desperately. 

  
  


* * *

Raven’s mood had only gotten worse as the weeks went on. Clarke couldn’t blame her because she knew that Raven had feelings for Kyle. He was the only boyfriend she had that treated her like an actual human being, not for what she was, disabled. 

Clarke gave her space. She didn’t want to be intrusive when Raven clearly needed some time to herself. She spent the majority of her days painting. Anything and everything that came to mind. Mostly lakes. Her father loved to go fishing. Clarke hated it. She hated baiting the pole. She _hated_ the cold, but she loved spending time with her father. So, she spent her days painting lakes and ponds. Anything to distract her from the sadness washing over the apartment. 

As the days went on, it was hard watching someone who was so optimistic about life, become a shell of herself. Clarke waited a week for Raven to come bursting into her room, a DVD in one hand and ice cream in the other, but she never did. Clarke waited a week for Raven to make her infamous cinnamon waffles, but those never came either. Clarke was starting to get apprehension, because she never really dealt with a moody Raven for weeks on end. 

It was clear that it was going to take more than movies and ice cream to snap Raven out of her post--break up depression. Clarke wasn’t sure what to do, because Raven was always a self--healer. Raven knew what she needed to make herself feel better. But after a week of barely any movement coming from Raven’s room, Clarke knew she had to intervene. Even Octavia couldn’t get Raven out of bed, and the shorter brunette always seemed to improve Raven’s mood. 

Her birthday was at the end of the week, and while Clarke didn’t want to do anything, maybe if they went out, it would help Raven. She had been sucked into this boring routine of going to work, picking up takeout on the way home and then spending the rest of the time in her room. Raven had barely talked to her these past two weeks and Clarke was missing her company. Raven was usually a ball of sunshine when she came through the door after work, even if her day had been long. Clarke hadn’t seen Raven this down in a long time. 

Clarke waited for Raven to get home that Friday, her birthday was in two days, and she wanted to talk to her best friend. Raven had a brown paper bag of greasy food in her hands when she came through the door. She had a sullen look on her face as she took her shoes off and placed her keys in the key bowl. 

It was like Raven didn’t even see her as she moved fluidly through the apartment, walking into the kitchen. Clarke huffed before she got up and followed her. 

“Hey.” Clarke said awkwardly. They’d been friends for so long now, and Clarke had never felt this much animosity between them. She wanted to hug Raven, but she knew that if she did, the brunette would just push her off. Clarke kept her distance, but walked further into the small kitchen. 

Raven didn’t turn around from where she was. But Clarke could tell by the way her movements stilled that she had heard her. Clarke sat down at their small round table they had in the corner of the kitchen and looked at her best friend. Raven looked like she was barely holding it together and Clarke sucked in a breath. 

“How was your day?” 

Normally Clarke didn’t have to ask. Raven would come home and the second she spotted her, she would start rambling about the morons she worked with. Clarke hadn’t heard any stories about her days at work, and it was scary watching Raven go down this path. 

Raven turned around, tilted her head to the side, before she picked up her plate and limped into the living room. Clarke sighed heavily, because she knew she wasn’t going to get Raven to talk to her. She wished Octavia was here, but she was going to be away for the next month because Lincoln was a UFC fighter and he was away on tour. 

Clarke was completely on her own, but she didn’t let that get her down. She used it as momentum, because she was her best friend and she was going to get Raven to talk to her. 

Clarke followed Raven back out to the living room, but instead of sitting on the couch like she was doing, she sat on the love seat adjacent to the couch. 

It was eerily quiet as Raven picked at her food, and Clarke was trying to figure out a way to spark up a conversation between the two of them. Conversations flowed between them effortlessly, and the resistance that Clarke was getting right now was wearing her down. 

“Raven…” Clarke sighed. 

“Don’t.” Raven said in a serious tone. Her eyes never left Clarke’s face and she tried not to shrink under the intensity. 

“Well, how long are you going to ignore me?” Clarke asked exasperatedly.

“I don’t mean to,” This time Raven sighed and put her burrito down. “I don’t know what’s going on.”

“It’s normal, really. I’ve just never seen you so down.” Clarke took the pillow that was behind her back and placed it in her lap to lean against it. “I’m worried about you.”

Clarke knew that Raven hated hearing those words, but she was, and she wasn’t going to hide it anymore. Raven’s behavior was scaring her and she needed to know. They’ve never kept anything from each other. She certainly wasn’t going to keep this from her. 

“I’m worried too.” Raven agreed, the fear in her eyes evident. 

Clarke wasn’t sure what exactly was going on with her best friend, but it was clear that Kyle had broken something inside of her. Something Clarke wasn’t sure she was going to get back. 

“I don’t know what to do to make it better.” Clarke admitted. She was going to need Raven’s help with this one. 

“It’s not your problem. I’ll be fine.” They both knew she wasn’t going to be. Clarke bit her tongue, knowing that she didn’t want to do this, but she knew it would help. Raven just needed to get back out there. It had always worked in the past. She needed to see that there was more to life than Kyle Wick. 

Clarke was already regretting it and she hadn’t even said anything yet. She was regretting it, because she was awkward and a little more reserved now. She had some wild days in the past. Many wild days. She was crowned ‘Party–Girl Griffin’ in college, but those party days were behind her now. But she knew it would help Raven. It would improve her mood, so she sucked up her hatred for bars and spoke. 

“Well, my birthday is this weekend,” Clarke said quietly. “Why don’t we go somewhere?”

“I thought you didn’t want to do anything?” Raven said and Clarke was just glad that they were making eye--contact again. 

“Yeah, well, I don’t think I can take another night of you wallowing in self--pity,” Clarke said lightly. “We could go to a bar. Somewhere lowkey.”

Raven looked like she was considering it, and Clarke melted at the small smile she gave her.

“Really?” 

“Yeah.” Clarke said confidently, although her insides were churning just thinking about being in a crowded bar. She would have to find some place where she knew there wouldn’t be a lot of people. 

Clarke waited until Raven’s small smile turned into a full grin, and she patted herself on the back, because _finally._ Her best friend was so pretty when she smiled and Clarke had missed it. She would’ve taken a picture of it, but she didn’t want to ruin the moment. 

“It can be just me and you, and we can have some fun. Like the old days.” Clarke was trying to convince herself more than Raven. They both knew that. Clarke suddenly felt like she didn’t need to take a picture of this moment. She would remember Raven’s grateful smile for the rest of her life. She would remember how she helped her best friend through one of her lowest points in life. A picture couldn’t possibly be able to capture this moment. 

“I’d like that, Clarke,” Raven was still smiling and Clarke flashed her one of her own. “Thank you.”

They spent the rest of the evening together. Raven was still quiet, but she was more open than she was before. Clarke didn’t think that going out would solve all of Raven’s problems, but at least it would help. If it could keep the smile on her face for a while, Clarke would walk through fire for her if she had to. 

(She just about did, when they got to the bar).


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clexa interactions and backstories (and smut) are coming I swear! Clexa interactions start in chapter 5!
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Tumblr: rebelguitargirl

* * *

**III**

“Explain to me why we are here again.” Lexa asked, pulling her jacket tighter around herself as if that were going to shield her from people. The hat she was wearing was working for the most part, but people still stopped them and no matter how much Anya wanted to shoo Lexa’s fans away, she let her have her moment with them. 

“Because of what happened at the club, this place is low key.” Anya said over her shoulder. She wasn’t in her security uniform, but she was wearing all dark colors, and her gun was sitting securely in the back of her jeans. 

She stopped outside of the bar, looking back to make sure Lexa was right behind her. Lexa’s steps were hesitant and Anya gave her a push toward the door as they made their way inside. 

The music was low, barely audible over the sound of people talking and games being played by drunk patrons. Lexa pulled the cap further down, it was almost covering her eyes as Anya scouted out the place. The lights were dim, but that had never stopped anyone from spotting the football player. Anya gestured to a table in the corner and Lexa shrugged, and they both made their way to the back. 

There wasn’t anyone that stuck out to Lexa. She knew that the more crowded the bar, the better chances of her finding someone attractive. There were barely any cute ladies here since there was basically no one here at all, which was a depressing thought but at least the drinks were on Anya tonight. 

It was supposed to be a relaxing evening. Aden was home with the nanny, and Lexa just wanted to get out of the house. She was supposed to be making the most of her off--season, because she knew once the season started back up again that she was going to be even more busy than she already was now. 

Lexa thought she was making the most of it by taking Aden on countless vacations and basketball games. In all honesty, she was just trying to distract him, because when he wasn’t occupied, he started asking questions. Questions that Lexa didn’t have the answer for. 

Lexa looked up when Anya came back to their table with two tall beers. She carefully slid it over to the football player before she sat down, taking a hearty sip of hers.

“I should be in somebody’s VIP section right now,” Lexa sipped on her beer, looking around the bar in disgust. “Not this sleazy bar.”

“Please, after what happened last time. I’m doing you a favor.” Anya gave her a pointed look, and Lexa shrugged defensively. What happened at the club _wasn’t_ totally her fault. 

So maybe Lexa had flirted with a UFC boxer’s wife (the wife was totally flirting with her back) and maybe she went as far to say that they could settle things in the ring before things had gone south.

Lexa still thought it was a win because the boxer didn’t even know his wife gave Lexa her number. The woman was gorgeous, but Lexa wasn’t sure if she wanted to bark up that tree quite yet. 

It was quiet for the most part. Anya was technically off–duty and wanted to have a peaceful night. There wasn’t any need for small talk, it didn’t fit in their dynamic. There was never a need to say something, just to feel the void of silence. 

Lexa was still sulking, but at least no one was recognizing them, even as more people seemed to fill the empty booths around them. 

Anya’s attention was on a bunch of bulky drunk guys attempting to play pool in the back of the bar. 

She watched the men practically tripping over themselves as they lazily played pool. It was a lousy performance and Anya knew that Lexa was going to be grouchy for a hot second because she wasn’t at an actual club.

Anya definitely could have some fun with this. 

* * *

The bar Raven had chosen was attracting customers as the night went on, but it wasn’t nearly as packed as a club would be. It was hard not to bump into anyone as Clarke and Raven walked through the lowly lit bar. Country music was playing around them, and Clarke put on a faux smile, thinking that although it was her birthday, tonight was about Raven. 

Guys were already looking their way as they made their way into the bar and settled for a table near the restrooms, just in case Clarke needed an outlet out of an awkward conversation with the various tipsy guys around them. 

“See? This isn’t so bad.” Raven said, letting out a sigh of relief when she finally sat down. Their table was to the side, giving them a view of the entire bar. 

Raven didn’t think she could look at anyone in _that_ way for a while. She was just happy to get out of the apartment and it was her best friends birthday. She wanted it to be a good night.

“I’ll get us some drinks.” Clarke said, knowing that Raven would barely make it across the floor without wincing. “Sit tight.” 

Clarke went light on the drinks, ordering a beer for each of them. She dodged the creepy guy with a face tattoo, easily sliding past him and ignoring his lame attempt at flirting before making her way back over to Raven. 

Raven was watching someone from across the room. Her eyes were moving around, watching their entire move. Clarke didn’t get a chance to see who it was because Raven averted her eyes the second she came into view.

Clarke didn’t question it though. Raven was going through a difficult time, and if she wanted to make eyes at someone from across the room, then that was her business.

But it was the _way_ Raven was looking.

Clarke had seen that look many times during her senior year of college. She had seen it whenever Raven had managed to get her out of her shell after college and go to the club with her. Raven’s broken leg really didn’t slow her down. Clarke loved her enthusiasm and found it hard to say no to her. 

Whenever Raven was interested in someone, she stared. Clarke thought it was creepy and wondered many, _many_ times how it worked for her. But it did. Guys and girls seemed to fall for Raven’s twinkling eyes.

Clarke also saw the way Raven’s eyes didn’t shine as bright as they usually did. Like she was restricting herself. Clarke had a feeling that she knew what Raven was thinking. Her heart broke for her friend, because she was so beautiful, and her outlook on life was so positive, but it was in these moments. In the briefest of moments, Clarke wouldn’t even have time to capture the moment, that Raven doubted herself. Clarke knew the reasons why. She just wished that her best friend wasn’t so hard on herself.

Clarke cleared her throat and handed Raven her beer. Clarke could tell she wanted to look over her shoulder at whoever had caught her eye moments before, but she was still restricting herself. 

Raven cleared her throat then, raising her glass high enough to be off the table, but low enough to not draw attention. “Happy birthday, Clarke.” 

Clarke smiled warmly at her as she held up her drink as well, and they both took a sip, settling into the quiet chaos around them.

It wasn’t until glass shattered behind them and wood snapped that they put their drinks down.

Raven looked behind them, watching as a fight broke out. It was two grizzly guys, fighting with…

Raven stood up, wincing when she did. Clarke reached for her, but her friend had that look in her eye. Clarke was scared for whoever she was looking at. 

“You ripped us off.” One of the overweight, tipsy guys said. He was pointing a beefy finger at a tall, lean woman.

“No I didn’t,” The woman said, looking entirely too calm for someone who was being threatened. “You two need to learn how to billiards before you ask for opponents.” 

The woman was holding her ground as the two men closed in on her. Raven quickened her steps, picking up a pool stick on her way.

“Back off!” Raven grunted, poking the stick to the guy’s large belly. 

“I don’t need your help.” The woman said in a harsh whisper, but Raven didn’t back down. The men looked like they wanted a fight, and Raven wasn’t about to let that happen. 

Her leg was throbbing from her movements, but that wasn’t going to stop her from backing down from a fight.

“Just stay out of it!” The woman tried to get Raven to leave. She put a hand on her shoulder, but Raven didn’t budge. The woman stepped closer to her, and Raven tried to ignore the thumping of her heart. The adrenaline of being next to the pretty woman who had caught her eye, and getting ready to get into a fight.

“I mean it,” The woman’s voice was less harsh now and dangerously close to her ear. “I’m a security guard. I can handle two drunk idiots.” 

She directed her last sentence to the two large men barely keeping their balance.

“Also, I have a .45 caliber in my back pocket.” The words instantly made Raven relax, and wonder who the hell this woman was. 

“You have a–” Raven stopped talking the second she looked behind her. She was aware of the two men throwing insults out at the woman, and Clarke making her way over to them. Raven’s eyes widened when she saw who was sitting at the booth. 

She had only really seen her in pictures that Clarke had stashed away. Raven would admit that she was poking her nose in something she had no business in. Clarke didn’t know that Raven knew where she stashed away those high school pictures of her and Lexa. Clarke always claimed she “forgot” where they were.

(They were in the back of Clarke’s closet at her childhood home, and Raven thought pictures didn’t do the football player justice).

She was _gorgeous_ , even muscular in person. Raven was a little envious of the sharpness of her jaw line. Lines were starting to form around her mouth, probably from the stress of having such a public career. 

Raven looked back at the woman, and then at the football player who had her head down. Raven still couldn’t believe that she was in the presence of Lexa Woods. And It wasn’t until one of the men pushed Anya, that the football player stood up.

“Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?” The football player said. Raven couldn’t see her face so she doubted the men could either.

The guy was about to saying something, when the football player pulled her cap up and off her head. The guys looked at her in disbelief, probably trying to sober up and see if this was really happening.

Raven couldn’t quite believe it herself. She looked back at the woman, but the woman was looking at the football player.

“Now who’s causing trouble?” The footballer said, her smirk only reserved to the mysterious woman in front of Raven. “I can’t take you anywhere.”

“Me?” 

“Alright that’s it!” They all heard a voice say. Raven could only conclude that he was the owner of the bar. He was waving his hands about and Raven noticed how Lexa was quick to cover her face again, probably thinking that if the two men saw who she was, they were too drunk enough to form a sentence, let alone inform everyone that there was a football player amongst them.

“I want all of you out!” The owner said just as Clarke joined them. He was making shooing noises at all of them and the men groaned.

Clarke was about to open her mouth, but the words got overlapped by the woman in front of them.

“C’mon. Let’s just go. This is the last time I try to take you anywhere.” The woman said.

Clarke recognized her. She recognized the brunette and blonde hair, pulled back into a strict bun. She recognized those ridiculously high cheekbones and that hard voice.

“Me? You’re the one that was fighting with beavis and butthead.” The other voice said, familiarity ringing through her tone. 

Clarke was about to say something to Raven, when the owner spoke over her.

“Out!” 

The two visibly drunk men obeyed and left, leaving the four women by themselves. Raven sighed heavily as she looked over to Clarke.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to–”

Clarke stopped listening to Raven’s apology, when the woman in the cap and hoodie looked up. Those bright green eyes found hers and Clarke almost collapsed when they widened immediately.

“Clarke?” 

Clarke thought she would’ve been ready to come face to face with her. She had gone to her pent house after all. She thought maybe this was fate. Like this moment was always bound to happen, even if they hadn’t seen each other in over ten years. But seeing Lexa here now, looking the way she did, Clarke wasn’t able to handle it.

She gripped Raven’s hand and sprinted toward the door. Raven was barely able to keep up, but she didn’t protest. 

“Clarke! I said I was sorry. I didn’t mean… what the hell?” Raven was trying to talk Clarke into slowing down, but her feet had a mind of its own. “That was Lexa right? You saw her too?” 

They stopped outside of a Chinese restaurant, both of them breathing heavily. 

“Who was that woman she was with?” 

“Was that the woman you were eyeing like a piece of meat?” 

“What? No.”

“Then why did you come to her rescue?” Clarke asked heatedly.

She didn’t think she was going to see Lexa, especially on her birthday and her mind was spinning. She was thinking about the package she had left for her. If she had seen what was inside. She hadn’t heard anything from the football player. She didn’t know if it was because she was ignoring it or was just too busy. 

“Did you see the size of those men? I wasn’t going to let anything–”

“Do you see your busted leg?” Clarke asked and instantly regretted the insult. The crestfallen look on Raven’s face let Clarke know she had said the wrong thing. She exhaled heavily, trying to backtrack.

“I didn’t mean–”

“You’re right,” Raven said in a small voice. “I shouldn’t do stupid stuff like that when my leg is beyond fixable. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I didn’t want anything to happen to that woman.” 

“I don’t know her name, but she works for Lexa.”

“Yeah. She mentioned that she was a security guard.”

Clarke could still tell that she had hurt Raven’s feelings with her comment. She had just gotten her friend out of a slump, and wasn’t preparing to push her into another one.

Clarke’s heart was racing for so many different reasons. She didn’t know if Lexa would come chasing after her. She didn’t know if Lexa would remember everything they had gone through. She didn’t think that she would’ve ever seen Lexa anytime soon, let alone on her birthday. She couldn’t believe that she had the chance to say something to Lexa, but walked away like a coward.

She didn’t know if she was ever going to see Lexa again, although they were apparently living in the same city again. This wasn't news to Clarke, even though the football player went to college on the East Coast. 

Clarke shook her head. She didn’t want to think about this now. She wanted to focus on Raven and she gently reached out for her hand. She was beyond relieved when her best friend didn’t pull away.

All Clarke wanted to do was go home. And everything else… was going to have to wait for now. 

* * *

  
  


Raven made sure to wear her black tank top that was a size too small for her, and her tight dark green cargo pants. If she was going to apologize for something, she was going to look good while she did. 

Raven was overly confident when she entered the building, gaining access to go upstairs that may or may not have been considered illegal. She knocked boldly on the penthouse suite door, but as the seconds dragged on, she was doubting herself.

Raven thought she should just go home. She didn’t have any business being here. She knew the tall, lean woman probably didn’t even want to see her. She made it quite clear a couple days ago that she could handle herself.

Raven looked down at her leg, covered in a metal black brace, and thought she should leave. Coming here might have been a mistake after all.

But then she remembered all the commotion she caused a couple days ago, and wanted to at least apologize for her actions. 

The door finally swung open, making Raven flinch as she glanced up at the taller woman. 

“What are _you_ doing here?” The woman’s eyes were squinting down at her, Raven could barely see them. Her voice was as cold as ever, and it almost made Raven cower in fear.

This woman really should know that Raven wasn’t scared of anything. Not anymore. 

She was on the phone with someone, with an annoyed expression on her face. Raven couldn’t hear the whole conversation, but it was clear that the woman was heatedly going back and forth with whoever she was speaking with. 

Raven could smell something cooking in the kitchen. Eggs, maybe. The longer Raven stood in front of the woman, the more irritated she got. She had no clue if it was because of her or whoever was on the phone.

Raven’s leg was throbbing from the walk up here. It was a slight throb that let her know that she needed to sit down soon. Clearly, the woman sensed her discomfort and gestured for her to come inside.

Raven was going to refuse initially, but thinking of walking to the elevator right now was something she was willing to admit, she didn’t think she could handle. 

So Raven entered the modern looking penthouse tentatively as the woman rushed over to the eggs, scrambling them with a spatula. Raven noticed how she was in a dark security uniform. There was a Grounders logo near the collar of her shirt. 

The penthouse was quiet. Raven figured that everyone who lived here was probably still asleep.

Raven carefully sat down at the bar stool and leaned her arms against the counter, watching as the woman barely let whoever was on the phone finishing talking, before she gave her opinion. 

“Listen, I pay you plenty and for that I get a terrible service?” The woman said, her phone wedged in between her shoulder and ear.

Raven spotted the eggs on the counter, and batter in a bowl that hadn’t been touched. She smiled to herself before mustering up her strength to stand up. 

The woman’s curious eyes met her briefly, before her attention was back on the eggs.

“Titus, where am I going to find another photographer on such short notice?” The woman’s voice was low and hard, probably trying not to wake the football player Raven knew was still sleeping. 

Raven hadn’t been engrossed too much in the conversation, not wanting to overstep her boundaries. But the last part had caught her attention. This woman needed a photographer?

“What are you doing?” The woman turned to her when Raven started cracking a few eggs.

“Making cinnamon waffles. They will change your life.” Raven shot the woman a flirty smile before she could stop herself. Raven really thought she had no right to. It was just a natural reaction standing in a kitchen with someone she thought was absolutely gorgeous. The woman was staring at her coldly before she sighed and moved out of the way so Raven could move around the large kitchen. 

“We’ve been planning this photo shoot for months. Lexa always has one before the season starts. You said you would be free and I _paid_ you in advance.” Raven could see why this woman was angry now. It sounded like she was being completely ripped off. 

Raven made sure to put extra cinnamon in the batter just for her.

She drowned out the escalating argument and focused on making waffles for everyone. She felt slightly guilty that Clarke wasn’t here to eat them, but then she shrugged it off. Raven thought her cowered best friend didn’t deserve any waffles for not coming here with her. 

“Goodbye, Titus. I hope you know you’re fired after this.” Anya didn’t wait for the man to say anything and hung up the phone. Raven was focusing on the waffles frying, but she glanced over to the security guard who had her fingers pinching the skin between her eyes.

Raven took a deep breath, knowing that Clarke would probably kill her, but she was willing to take those chances. It served her right for not coming here with her. 

“Are you looking for a photographer?” Raven spoke to the woman, who was now leaning against the counter, watching her with a close eye. The woman didn’t reply right away. She moved to the coffee machine to pour her a steaming mug of coffee. Raven noticed that she took it black. 

“I am,” The woman sighed. “Our former photographer is going on a surprise anniversary trip but we had this photo shoot planned for months.”

Raven took another waffle off the frying pan, neatly stacking it to the growing pile on the counter before pouring some more batter out. 

“It’s a charity photo shoot. Lexa and the team visit a couple low income high schools around Los Angeles and they play a couple games of football and they raise money while doing it. They do it at the end of every school year and I have no one to take pictures of it. I don’t know where I’m going to find a professional photographer on such short notice.”

Raven stayed quiet, aware that the woman was walking toward her. She tried to act normal, but it was hard when the woman was eyeing her down. It made her voice tremble when she spoke.

“I know someone.” Raven tried to sound casual, hoping it was working. She didn’t need to turn around to know that the woman was standing right behind her, practically towering over her and swallowed thickly.

“Do you?” Raven could hear that condescending tone of the woman and thought about how she regretted putting her foot into these waffles. This woman could eat cardboard for all she cared.

“I do, and she’s a professional,” Raven said confidently, her hand on her hip in attitude. “Went to school for it and everything.” 

“You know a professional photographer that would be willing to clear their schedule on a Saturday a month from now?” The woman asked. Raven nodded along confidently to everything she was saying, although her heart was pounding nervously in her chest. 

“I do.” Raven said as she finished the last of her waffles and busied herself with buttering them.

“What are you doing here?” The woman asked instead. Raven cleared her throat, but never stopped preparing breakfast. She was aware that she was taking over the kitchen, making food that the guard probably didn’t have planned.

“I wanted to come by and apologize for what happened the other night. Things got out of hand and…”

“And I was handling it,” The woman had a broad smirk on her face as she cut her off. “And then you just had to come busting in.” 

“I just didn’t…”

“I can handle myself.” Raven was getting irritated by the way this woman kept cutting her off. 

“Yeah you handled it perfectly,” The sarcasm in Raven’s words was visible and the woman glared down at her. It was just as hot as it was scary. “You got us all kicked out.” 

“Let’s just forget about that night.” The woman said bitterly as she sipped her coffee. “You really know someone?” 

“Yes,” Raven said as she put a single waffle on a plate and slid it wordlessly over to the taller woman. “I do.” 

The woman didn’t look like she was going to eat it. She was staring at it in offense and Raven huffed. She walked over to where she thought the silverware would be, but it was a bunch of takeout menus. The woman was about to help her out, but now Raven glared at her and stunned her into silence.

She rifled through three drawers before she found the silverware. She yanked out a fork, because now this was personal. She limped over to where the syrup was and poured a small amount on the waffle before she cut a piece off with the fork and shoved it in the security guard’s face.

“Eat it.” Raven said determinedly, hating the smile the guard was giving her.

“How do I know you didn’t poison it?” The guard asked sweetly.

“You were watching me, very closely might I add.” Raven said exasperatedly. “Now, eat.”

Raven didn’t let the woman talk as she shoved the fork in her mouth. She watched in satisfaction as the woman’s face scrunched up to the unknown before relaxing within seconds.

“Wow.” The woman sighed out. This was this calmest Raven had ever seen the guard and smiled to herself.

“Who are you?” The guard squinted her eyes down at her, licking her lips to savor the taste.

“I’m someone who can help with your little problem,” Raven smirked. “But most people call me Raven. What’s–”

“Anya!” A little boy came running through the penthouse and into the kitchen, cutting Raven off.

“Hey, bud.” Anya said with a smile, ruffling the little boy’s hair. 

“Who is this?” Aden looked at Raven curiously and Anya smirked at her.

“This is Raven. You should try some of her waffles. Apparently she gets very offended when you don’t.” Anya said with a bright smile and guided Aden to sit down.

“Sweet.” He said when he saw the pile of waffles and helped himself. 

“Who is the photographer?” The woman, Anya, asked. Raven watched as the little boy stuffed his face with her waffles. She was getting ready to answer, when she heard a thud and stomping around. 

“You’re a jerk!” Raven heard a girl shout from deep within the penthouse. She looked over to Anya, who didn’t look concerned by what was happening.

“Oh come on, babe!” Raven heard another voice and was positive it was the football player. She had a sort of sweet, melodic ring to her voice.

“Don’t babe me! We’re done!” Then a blonde–headed girl came stomping passed the kitchen to get to the front door. Anya didn’t spare her a glance as she cut up her waffle and Aden was too busy eating to care. The blonde ripped open the door, but before she could leave, Anya glared at her.

“Keys.” That was all Anya said as she held her hand out. The blonde grumbled something incoherent and slapped the keys in the guard’s hand and then slammed the door as she left.

“What did you do this time?” Anya asked as the infamous football player came trolling into the kitchen, looking entirely too happy for someone who just got broken up with.

“Oh that,” Lexa said lightly. “That was nothing. She’ll be back in a day. Maybe two. She was pretty mad.” 

But Lexa didn’t go into detail of why she was mad or what happened between them. She kissed the little boy on the head as she made her way to the refrigerator.

“You made waffles?” Lexa asked, her eyebrow raised. Anya had been working for her for a while and she had never made waffles before.

“Oh no. I didn’t–”

“I did.” Raven cut Anya off, loving the thrill it gave her to get under the guard’s skin. Lexa shrugged and like the little boy sat down and drowned the waffles in syrup.

Raven took in the scene of all of them eating in relative peace and bowed her head.

“Well, I’ll leave you guys alone. I just wanted to apologize for that night and I can get in touch with you about,” Raven glanced around to Lexa, completely oblivious as she shoved forkfuls of waffles into her mouth and hoped she wasn’t making a mistake. “About the photographer.”

“Cool, looking forward to it.” Anya said. 

Then she smiled, but Raven couldn’t tell if it was genuine or sarcastic. Raven still left with a sense of hope in her heart and just prayed that Clarke wouldn’t kill her for this.


End file.
